How to assemble an Ikea bunkbed, the Juniper way

Step One: Buy the bed and have it delivered in two devilishly heavy boxes.

Step Two: Hire Darrell and his other brother Darrell to put it together for you.

Step Three: Believe the brothers when they tell you that the center support piece is about three inches too short for the top bunk and decide return it.

Step Four: In the meantime, swing like monkeys on the mostly finished bunkbed which, without its top, is just like a super fun jungle gym.

Step Five: Return the center support piece with rather more than the usual difficulty. While you are there, get a bunch of new pillows, some cloth napkins and a table cloth, a lamp, and a chair cover that you will eventually have to return since you have no chair to put it on.

Step Six: Back at home, realize that the support piece you have brought home is actually the center support piece for the bottom bunk, which is full-sized, not twin-sized.

Step Seven: Ask Husband Scary Voice to call the store, and request that they mail us a new piece, so we dont have to go back to the store. Do not be surprised when they agree to ship it free of charge. Immediately.

Step Eight: Receive the new center support piece in the mail. It is about three inches too short for the top bunk.

Step Nine: Wait three weeks, or until cooled off.

Step Ten: Return both the too-short and the too-long support pieces. Get a support piece that is just the right length. Also the chair that you wanted last time which was out of stock, new knives because you are too lazy to sharpen the perfectly good ones you already have, something that costs 99 cents (what is it? who cares!!?? It costs less than a dollar!!) and some picture frames.

Step Eleven: Try not to calculate the final, total cost of the bed.