Thursday, May 28, 2009

cusp of summer thoughts

Of course, there is so much to do.

And when I havent actually been doing it,
I've been worrying about doing it.
Or worrying about not doing it.
Or worrying about when am I gonna do it.
Or worrying are the people who said they would do some of it going to really do it.
Or worrying am I going to have to do it all anyway? Like always? (Let's all heave a big sigh for this one, fellow martyrs.)

So this week, I crashed a little the way I do which was to get a big headache that sent me to bed for the day. I had to cancel some stuff, which liberated the You Are Not Trustworthy goblin, who danced all over my chest for awhile. But, the people I canceled stuff with were/are so very much kinder to me than I have the capacity to be to myself on occasions like this.

It helps that the blogosphere, in its sneaky improbable way is speaking right to me these days. Especially Magpie and Revmother. (oops, here comes the It's Not All About You goblin....down, down, boy)

So I'm trying to be kinder. For instance. Even though I had a sick day, I am not working an extra day this weekend to make it up. I'm just taking a sick day like a normal person. My sermon is ready and my childrens time, during which we will sing happy birthday dear churrr-rrrch, so tomorrow and Saturday are all about family stuff.

Gratitude helps, too. I am looking forward to some time with mom, who comes tomorrow for a couple of days. Awesome Sarah will be here in a month. I have so much abundance of love and help and freedom and books and kicky new capris that it's actually breathtaking. As in. If I really stop to think it about it I sort of cant breathe from joy for a moment.

And I'm sitting outside. Because it's so very lovely here right here. Like, you know how you imagine absolutely perfect weather but think it never really happnes? It DOES happen, though, and it is, right now. So that when you go outside, it's kind of hard not to look up and around, instead of deep into your own navel. Even for me. Which is saying something.


Rachel said...

Oh Honey,

I am so there with you from the worries to the goblins to the attempt at self kindness! I hope I can take a page out of your book and stop to appreciate. Have fun with your mom and let me know when Sarah is coming. Maybe, if you don't mind sharing, G and I will bop down for a visit!

reverendmother said...

Thanks for posting your struggles... and for being you.

Sarah S-D said...

oh, my soul sister, i'm SO glad you took that sick day, you're sitting out in the gift of gorgeous weather, you're taking time for family, and you're you.

love you.

cheesehead said...

Once again I am blown away by how in sync we are sometimes.

Sure do love you.

Juniper said...

thanks friends - i treasure your comments.

had a great day being a tourist in my own town with Mom, and feeling so much better today :)

Sue said...

I'm late chiming in here, but girl, how did you get inside my brain? What kind of wacky magic puts my thoughts so accurately into your much more articulate mind?

I'm sorry you had such a rough day - hope the outdoors helped a bit.