We've now arrived in Northern Wisconsin for the part of our trip with my side of the family. More cousins for Eli, although a different dynamic since they are more like his age, so less able to be objects of hero worship. (It goes from hugging to "Those kids hit me on the head, and they need a BIG time out" in a split second.)
My dad lives on a little lake and took Eli for a kayak ride today. When he came back, Dad said "When we got out in the lake, he just got perfectly still and quiet, just like you used to be in the canoe." To which I almost said, "That wasn't me, must have been someone else" since I dont remember being perfectly still and quiet EVER as a kid, except when reading Nancy Drew. But I let it drop - could be Dad remembers something I dont, I guess. And the idea that I have the capacity for perfect stillness and quietness is so very appealing to me now. Knowing that might give me the (hmm, although it seems a little over the top, cant think of any word here but) courage to keep moving toward that again. I know one friend in Seattle is praying for clarity and peace for me right now, which is kind of the same, right?
I'm figuring out some stuff about family - the family you make and the family you're born into which needs some more thought and its own post later, but will say now that both kinds of families come with graces and challenges, and I'm strongly feeling the graces of the family I was born into on this trip, for which I am thanking God.
Still dreaming about big crowds and lots of business/busy-ness, but have stopped crying in those dreams, for which I am also thanking God.