So Sara at Going Jesus, it seems, has the knack for writing that stuff that shakes loose what all the rest of us were thinking. Since the comments on this post have already almost reached the same number as years old we are (honestly, who can READ that many?), I'm putting my loose thoughts over here.
What I've been saying this week is this, "If I was full time in ministry, I could be GREAT at it, but that's not an option right now. If I was full time Mommy, I would not be great at it. I would be insane, actually in Harborview Hospital." And it gets a laugh, you know, but it really is true. And it's sad, in a way. I wish I had a nickel for every person who told me before Eli was born - "You will be a GREAT mom, Jen, just great!" and I have to say that I believed it. But how do you measure greatness in that category? A child totally potty trained by 2? (not done). A child who never tantrums at the store? (oops, happened twice this week already). An attitude of complete compassion and unconditional love at all times? (Hmmm, let's be gentle here and say I'm still living into that one).
I guess there's no measuring parenting greatness any more than there is measuring spiritual greatness. Because, what is THAT? Being in touch with God every moment? See, there's something about greatness, or desire thereof, that brings out the excess junkie, in me anyway. Not enough to pray this morning - no if I am to be GREAT, I really have to be in communion with God (and all the saints, even though I am Protestant) every single minute. If I'm spiritually great, I dont have to hanker for a different car, one with air conditioning, so I dont have to arrive at meetings all sweaty with windblown hair because I would consider all the people in the world who dont even have a car and feel gratitude for all my blessings EVERY MINUTE.
So maybe this is the year (nope, I'm stopping sweeping statements and I'M NEVER USING THEM AGAIN -ha!) I mean maybe this DAY is the day to let go of greatness fantasies either in mommying and ministrying and start just living each moment like I'm just enough. And like the moment is just enough for me, too.
Thanks Sara. Great food for thought. And hey, we are in our mid-30's now. Maybe this is bonafide midlife crisis time. Maybe we should get a few toys - you keep your ipod and I'll get that new Jetta - and be grateful we got out that easy....